Saturday, June 23, 2018

Is Real Friendship Dead in the Modern Era?

It's a serious question. 

From the actions I see around me, I don't think people understand what real friendship is supposed to be anymore. Certainly under a certain age, they do not.

Facebook calls it "friending" someone when your profiles are connected, but that's not real friendship. That's collecting popularity points - I have a bigger Friends List than you do.

Teens and young socialites are obsessed with getting followers. That's not connecting at all.

Dictionary Definition of Friendship:
the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.
a relationship between friends
a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.

A post on Urban Dictionary defines it more specifically:
True friendship is not when you go to school and hang around with someone just because you have no one else to chill with. It's not calling someone up when you're bored because they are fun to talk to. It's not when you can't think of a birthday gift and end up buying your friend a Wal-Mart gift card. It's not when you have to talk to someone about something you don't particularly care about (like how much snow we got last year) to avoid an awkward silence. 
Friendship is when you love someone with every ounce of your being and genuinely want them to be happy even if it means sacrificing something yourself to make them happy. A true friend is someone you can talk to about your feelings, someone you can tell things you could never tell your family or even your partner. They are someone who you don't have to talk to but someone you want to talk to; someone you will go out of your way to be with. Friendship is when you love someone so much you want to hold them and never let go, someone you want to rest your head on and cry, and you would let them cry on you too. It's someone you can talk to about things you disagree on and end up being closer for that disagreement. It's when you think about someone and how close you are to them and how much you love them and you smile and are happy all over. 
Friendship is when your love for someone exceeds your need for them. (the Dali Lama said that)!

Real friends don't have to agree on everything. The truest friends should be able to have a full-on blow-up and still come back together. Rare is the argument that was truly so important that it is worth ending a relationship built on years of love and trust and memories.

The person that decides one day to shut a friend out of their life without discourse is a coward. To quote one of my favorite sci-fi characters, "Only Sith deal in absolutes." 

A true friend will give you a chance to make amends if there is a grievance. A true friend will hear a story directly from your mouth vs. believing hearsay from others. A true friend calls you on your shit because you've known each other long enough and deep enough to know your real selves. Because you built trust. And then you do it for them when they need it, too.

Do you forgive when a friend wrongs you? 

Do you speak up when a friend is heading down a potentially dangerous path? 

Friendship is a daily act of brotherly or sisterly love. You've made memories and seen the best and the worst of each other and still pick up the phone to talk like it was yesterday though it's been a year or ten. Friendship is a bond. Loving is a choice.

Friendship is also an obligation. Do not call yourself someone's friend unless you are ready to commit to what the word means. It's a two-way street, so before you hurt another person with your selfishness, be self-aware enough to be honest about what you can give. Be upfront about it.

Are you a good friend? 

Do you try? 

Are you ready to do better tomorrow than you did today? 

Go out and make a real connection.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave a name you can be addressed by.